u noe i was just thinking abt something. many times in my life, i stop and think of what im doing but when i actually do that, i realise that im actually not doing anything. zit, nothing at all. today i did exactly that and reflected on what was i doing in my life, why was i making all the commitments that im making or why im doing what im doing. and i came up with i dunno.
sometimes i find it strange that people actually know what they are thinking about. maybe i should keep more in touch with myself.
=pats myself=

it was raining this morning! and then i arrived at school at about like 6.40 a.m! not good, i was so sleepy that i couldn't even walk straight. so being the person i was, no one came to bother me so i was grumpy. then karen came and went liuyi, are u going up or going straight to the back of the podium? so i had to stop being grumpy =( both of us went to the back of the podium and took a seat. i sat down for about 30 seconds (hey, it's very good if you're normally hyperish and running around) and decided to get up and go up to class to place my bag in class first. so me and karen went up, i think karen went up first. then i walked past lifern's class and she saw me and asked what?! boo! lifern is a biiiiiig meanie! i dont want to ask her a question! i just want to go up to class to rest/sleep/put my bag then she ask me what?! T.T sad liuyi. orh and since it was raining, the whole thing got posponed till tomorrow, lets just hope that it doesnt rain tomorrow, coz it's like we're waking up at some obscene hour just for this!!
liuyi thinks that she's getting better at geography, when MAL said that we're getting our paper back, i was totally like freak out, im gonna fail this. and the good thing is that liuyi didn't fail the paper in the end. liuyi went to the toilet to relieve herself of the stress and anxiety level in the class and when she came back, the paper was already on her desk. she glanced at the marks and it read in RED, PASSED! woohoo, i was like, "i passed! i passed~~ i friggin passed!" well, i guess it was rather surprising for me coz it's like this year my geog has been quite good. i have never failed a geog paper. so kewl right? i think as long there's no map on the geog paper, this liuyi should be able to pass with flying colours. u noe this liuyi cant tell africa from asia, or europe from australia, or greenland from iceland. worse still, i dont know which is the north pole or south pole. lousy liuyi.
and my science is getting lousier day by day. up to date, i have flunked a totaly of one bio test, 50% and one physics test, approx, 27%. ng chee kiat is so so so so strict. i mean look the object is not moving and the object is at rest is the same thing. but he marked my answer wrong. heeeey wad an evil teacher =(
he looks super tin tinish in this hairstyle! =)

leeliuyi is a selfish egoistic idiot.
idiot. an idiot.

a smile, a laugh, a beam. paranoidia, worried, ugly. a whole chain of words that mean nothing and is nothing. most of the time when you meet someone, you'll find that all of the person is nothing but a mere facade. something so tangible that it can be torn and when it is, no one likes what they see below the facade, a slimy, trgic, bitter worm. a wet, slippery worm. a worthless worm. something that hates ourselves so much that all it wants to do is to kill itself. that's where suicide comes in. depression? what is that. is it only a word?
emo, suicidal. who gave people the right to call someone an emo. well, some of them do have a reason to be emo, family problems, ophans. there's no way someone can be emo when they have a family that is intact and their parents cares so much about them. no way. and yet, so many people now days are becoming more depressed and suicidal. and they have a perfect life. not so perfect in their eyes as they think that they dont get what they want all the time. have they ever thought about others who actually lost both of their parents and is now living in a slump somewhere? alone. while they are alone in this world, probably younger than anyone here, they still have a smile on their face, the hope to go on living, the hope that they would one day become someone useful. the worst thing is that, they know that all those are only dreams that can never come true. and yet, they smile. so who gave us the right to be upset or depressed over trival matters like school or i dunno, stress?
i dont have any right to be upset or to not have a smile on my face. i have a family that is almost perfect although others might not think so. i still try to love my parents. i try not to be jealous of what my sister is, perfect in adults' eyes. how i wished those adults that are swooning over my sister wont look at me and smile that fake little smile that wont reach into their eyes. if im not worth your time or effort then why dont they say so? and save me from the agony of seeing the hollow smile and having to thank them for their care and concern. i was never good enough, im still not good enough. not for me, not for you, not for my parents, not for anyone. the only reason why i continue living and smiling is because i noe there are others who suffer more than me, who dont even get smiled at. who wants so much to be accepted into a school, but have no money to pay for the school fees. who wants so much for a hug but gets a slap in return. who so desperately wants to be clever for once but always get called stupid by her mother. who wants to be good but gets trapped into the endearing smile of drugs.
No matter where you spend your life in, it would always be less than perfect. But whether you enjoy your life or end your life tragically all boils down to which side of life you see. the light or darkness.

i have came to the ultimate conclusion that all people that i know are strange.
OMG. TALA MAY HAVE CANCER. ohmegosh. OMG TALA MAY HAVE CANCER. he got a tumour. and it's supposed to be sth like passed on from generation to generation that means that colette might get cancer too. ahhhh, what a depressing way to start a post. but i cant help it, i just received the news.
orh today both sabaticals were boring, for mangamania, we basically just finished up the picture that we drew, ying and yang, and did our learning log. i learnt that huifun's drawing is actually very nice. i mean i never knew she could draw like that. i think it's much better than what im drawing and it's her first time. oh huifun, im so jealous. teehee, come to think of it, huifun is actually super amusing to be with, considering i was stuck with her for about 5 hours everyday because we have the same sabaticals. Her facial expressions are like hahahahaha. super funny. for chinese public speaking, we had to do an impromtu speech. my subject was about air. what can u talk about it you got air? i think i totally flunked that speech, considering that my chinese is really bad and also considering that i didn't know what to say for the speech. huifun's and weiyi's speech was good. but eva's was the best, she came in 2nd compared to the whole class. and got a packet of chocolate. then she gave the chocolates to us, and only kept one for herself. i think eva's so nice. scrub that, eva is so nice. =) her subject was, wo men zhe yi ban. (my class.) she brought our class escence out pretty well. teehee she still remembered the fight that we had during our lifeskills camp. i feel sad that we're leaving each other tomorrow.
you know grace and me were thinking of buying converse sneakers for mrs siva koh so that she would remember us, then we can sign on the sneakers. (each of us only have to pay about $2) i love 2o7. (=
i think me and grace are driving lifern crazy, we're like asking her so many questions that she has to type: i have 2 very worried jrs bombarding me with questions 'teehee' =( the teehee is on account that me and grace uses teehee very often. almost too often. i type slow. =D teehee!
.love.passion.
councilcouncilcouncilcouncil.
triplesciencetriplesciencetriplesciencetriplescience.

mangamania was actually quite fun today, coz the teacher that taught us how to draw manga left us alone. (= so i did my own drawings teehee until he came around to check then i hurriedly sketched out sth ugly for mr dev to check out. LOL i mean the drawings were so horrific that even i thought that they were ugly coz the face was fat and pungy. lol topping everything off, it really sucks. lol, in secret i was sketching out a more *ahem* nice looking character. i thought it actually looks quite nice. it wasnt meant for mr dev's eyes at all. but i dunno how he caught sight of the drawings. and then he commented on them. "kewl picture!" "man i like this" "kewl...." "this looks nice." "man, kewl..." like wth, i think his favourite word is kewl or sth. i gave up trying to hide it from him. so i just drew in the open for the anime character that we were supposed to draw in a pose. i drew a rather scruffy looking guy that was supposed to be in a fighting stance, holding a broken sword. that mr dev came over, checked out my picture and said, "kewl... ninja! kewl... i like ur scruffy looking t-shirt. kewl. what's he holding? a broken sword? kewl. nice one." ok in a sentence there are like what four kewls. oh haha. i thought the guy looked pretty pretty (no, not mr dev, the ninja guy.) there was this girl who coppied wholesale from peacemaker kurogane when we were supposed to create our own character. i admit, i've coppied the hair of tetsu when i tried making my own character, but nah, never the clothes or the emotions. guess who was it gracie?! (= oh crappy stuff, we have an assignment. mangaka: ying and yang.
then it was break time. i told gracie to meet me at the canteen but apparrently i saw lifern and lynn before i saw grace so i smsed grace instead. boo. oh! i just realised something! Leong Tingting Grace, Lifern Ang, Lee liuyi, Lynn Cheng. all the Ls! ok back. so finally we all met u at the podium and lifern started correcting our scripts, boo T.T what can i say? we were just really bad. we needed to emphasize alot. ALOT. teehee! and one more thing. we havnt memorised our scripts. we're so so so good?! i love myself.
then it was chinese public speaking. the first part was boring so i took the time to memorise my script but i got to the bonaparte part and huifun started "bonaparteing" at me, then make me laugh, i cannot continue. ROAR. but the second part of chinese public speaking was super fun, me huifun, sarah and lynn all formed one group to advertise for something. and knowing the four of us, we're very lazy people. we refused to get out of our chair of think of anything. we got to advertise some hair care thingy. and lynncheng started talking bout beijing 1o1 and her hair. LOL so feeling lazy we came up with a crap advert that lynn was the beautiful person with alot of hair. (she does have alot of hair.) and the three trackers were the ppl losing hair. we didnt bother to stand up when it was our time for the advert, we just sat down to present that. and guess what, our shallow plot and performance earned us 5/5 stars for presentation and 3/5 stars for depth. and we were the highest scoring group. we're so good. LOL. other than that activity, we did nothing else worth mentioning about. orh beware of da ping guo lao shi. i whined rather loudly when the huang laoshi wanted us to do crappy warmup again and he approached me with that dagger eyes. i had to say that i wasn't whining but leting out a sound of exclaimtion as i was too happy, lynnie repeated my point and da ping guo lao shi let us go. teehee!
BONAPARTE, BONA, BONA! (on account of sarah and huifun)

wahaha =) today was the start of sabaticals and i joined chinese public speaking and manga mania (yes, again!). i only joined mangamania coz there was no other choice and since this is my second time, we probably just sat there to slack and smile at mr P.T and that other awful teacher. we meaning me, eva, yiwei. boo =( but it was kinda okyee in the end except for the fact that we had to do extra. i mean looking at it from a different angle you could say that the sabatical improved alot from when we joined it last year. now there's even a course teaching you how to draw basic manga on wednesday. it's quite sad actually coz i already how to draw manga (no! im not being ego! it's true, i learnt from all those mangas that i read!) and they are gonna teach me the same things that i already noe how to draw. while the others are so hyped out about what is gonna happen on wed, i was like "what?! basic manga?!" kinda thing coz when i saw the earlier people's portfolio or journal entries, their basic anime course was how to draw faces and the expressions, but i already noe how to draw, i need to learn how to draw the body lol! bad in drawing bodies.
then i had chinese public speaking, we started by introducing our name in chinese. then saying a short intro of an eent in chinese, but apparrently my chinese was so bad that i could even memorise 3 lines of some crappy chinese introduction speech. i had to keep looking up to the celling to remember what i was supposed to say and i screwed up really badly! then we had to do some speech about a mirror. i mean man! who does speeches on a mirror. i think da ping guo is really fun but seriously has anyone ever thought that he might hae just escaped from a hypermad house? never had such a high teacher before! to summerize a long day into one sentence: it was a rubbishly fun day.
EXCEPT FOR ONE THING. there was this super annoying acs guy that came to my tll class for replacement lesson today. he is so super attititude. grrrr cannot stand him. his attitude sucks and he thinks he's so kewl rolling his eyes and giving everyone the "hack-care" look. and what more after the class his dear parent was waiting in the car for him and he just shouting at his parent like WHAT. go die u stupid daryl/deryl! i would rather spend one who day with eng han and listen to his stupidly crappish completely unintentional jokes than even speak to daryl/deryl for 5 minutes. the difference: eng han is actually nice and cute in a weird RI sort of way. the other one? ditto man.

ohno, on 02082006 is the day where the six council nominees have to say the speech and you noe what? we havnt even written the speech yet! we havn't even got the foggiest idea of what we wanna say! we are so dead. so so so dead. maybe we should follow in the footsteps or Martin Luther King jr. or Winston S. Churchill and create this mind blowing speech where everyone gets so inspired that they vote for us. but unfortunately, we're not that good and some of us (mainly the one who is writting this) dont have a delivery good enough for that kinda speech. but fear not my brave soldiers, (quote from some old book) we would succeed and get voted into council as our future is your future. and we live for you guys.
haha, orh btw i just saw this avert on this bus and it said, "can wearing jade keep you safe? (*insert one chunky jade necklace here*) consult your personal advicer now!" how not kewl is that?! i mean if you wear this totally huge and absurd looking jade necklace, robbers would get attracted to it and then a murder would happen coz it's wrapped so tightly around your neck that they just cant get it off. a robbery and a murder, who would want that to happen. the next time i go out, i better not wear jade, else it attracts unwanted attention. and wad's with jade? okyee... it was considered to bring good luck and peace and protection to the person who wears it but that was like in the time of qinshihuang. i doubt that people believe in that now days, they rather wear something like silver than gold. hey how kewl is this? nxt time when you get married your dearest husband would give you a silver ring or a silver diamond ring instead of sth that has gold on it. haha, your grandma/mom sure would be quite upset by that.
orh and something else, what's with guys and make-up?!

yesterday was the end of nationals (track and field), we got 4th overall! (= i think the c div runners rawks, they accomplished so much more compared to our throws c div which only one measly person got into top 8. boo... orh i think the whole track and field team went nuts after nationals coz when we were taking dinner, the strangest things were happening. for example, meijie carrying wenqi. Super weird! i mean look at this, meijie is probably shorter than me while wenqi is like a super biggie giant who even i have to look UP to and meijie is carrying her LOL. (= lalala, ms yeo's son is so cute! orh and ms tan told us that she's trying to get hci and nanyang throwers to train together coz the coach at hci is a national throws coach, i think for S'pore and China. boo, sucks. we'll feel so super inferior! =(
haha, i feel so accomplished. we just made a really nice looking poster for our council nominee election thingy! (= estella and i did the formal one (although i seriously think that the informal and the formal one all looks super formal) and sheena and grace did the informal one. haha. yenjin did nothing coz she noe nothing abt adobe photoshop. actually neither do i. but i was like play play play and estella was totalyy like playplayplay and more play and then we came up with the poster which i think rawked! teehee. now all of them disappear and went off le, so im here alone blogging. and it sucks. (=
orh and then today we watched romeo and juliet, (the really classic one which the people are holding swords instead of the guns when i watched romeo and juliet last year.) the people in the show were horribly strange! haha, sy says that their pants too tight LOL. they were ALL wearing tights and tjuliet looked funnily famillar and romeo looked strangely like zac effron or sth like that. HAHAAHA! super funny. go lookie at our poster! (the formal one)
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/joellehiwatari/council-formalposter.jpg

how am i going to tell me mom that i failed my math quiz very badly?! i dont know probably just die and then tell her about what life is. what is life anyway?
i always thought that life was some beautifully wonderful thing that allowed us to enjoy it to the fullest, but when we come into our teen years, life is no longer the innocent or enjoyable thing that we all thought we knew. instead it becomes like a tumour, eating us all up, eating us inside so that we might only remain on this earth as a broken shell. okyee, maybe it's not that bad but it's all that to it. life is just that nothing better, nothing worse.
who knows what might befall on us later when life decides she doesnt like us anymore? do we suffer in misery knowing that life would never let us out of her clutches but instead collaborated with fate to kill us slowly from inside? do we die knowing that we might never see what we have always been looking forward to? or do we just go on with that monotonous lifestyle that we all have. that boring lifestyle which we all dread, which we all want to get away from.
i hope i do get into council.