Things were never built to last.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I wish I knew the hearts of people.

Perhaps I won't be so insecure.

Have you ever felt as if you were looking at a situation unfold through a window? You on the outside and the rest on the inside. No matter how hard you try it's as if there's an invisible barrier between you and them.

Today while I was sitting at my usual spot at the dining table, that feeling hit me so hard. It's as if both my parents and my sister were moving as one, and I'm being left out in whatever they're doing.

Today, they bought a cake for me. Even though it was for me, I felt as if I was an outsider casually observing the family of three celebrate. My sister orchestrated the entire thing, she even blew out the candles and cut the cake on my behalf.

I guess this is what they call jealousy. Jealous of someone that I'm not supposed to feel jealous of. And then my spiteful nature takes over.

I hate it when my birthday comes around because it only reminds me of that window again and again. Nothing's changing.

I wish I knew the hearts of people.

I wish I could see through their hearts.

And perhaps this jealousy would go away.

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

8:43 PM

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I'm really tired.

Freaking tired of this damn world. What's the use of doing anything since nothing was built to last, you'll lose everything that you gained.

You'll be thrust aside like a rag, old and stinking with whatever you've gathered before. The new would arise and take the empty spot you've left behind. Was it ever empty? Or was there a long line of other more precious cloths circling that space so that once the old rag was disposed off, they can pounce upon the chance to fill that gap.

I'm tired of you blaming me for not recovering from my sickness and injury. I'm tired of the extra stress you're giving me. Tell me, is there even a reason why I study? We're all going to die anyway. Why not die young and happy then old and sad. We're all going to lose everything anyway. No one'd stay by your side till you eventually pass away. What's a friend. What's a spouse.

Friend, acquaintance. Similar in many ways. Are they even different.

What does one mean why they say "Oh this is my friend"

What makes a friend a friend.

I want to bboy, I really want to. I want to think of ideas too. But so elusive, the more you search for them, the more you can't find anything, the more sick you become. I want to get well, it's not as if I don't want to. But at the same time, I'm sacrificing so much just to get well sooner. When will I get well. It's been almost a month.

I'm really tired.

It's getting harder to smile.

With a stroke of luck, perhaps this tiredness would disappear soon.

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

9:50 PM

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

1. cui ttm.

2. what crosses the line of thinking too hard.

3. time.

4. slacking off. dont slack off. try harder. you need to try xinfinity times harder than the other people because a)no talent, b)body structure

5. time management

6. healing speed

7. cui

8. cui

9. cui

10. cui

and the best thing is that im sitting here blogging abt my cui-ness.

HUR.

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

12:37 AM

Saturday, February 13, 2010

This is an awesome song

You Found Me

The Fray

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

1:27 PM

YAYE cny is FINALLY here.

Although the cny mood isn't there, it's a good break from the hectic-wake-up-before-7-everyday timetable.

But this also means that the year is flying by D=

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

10:30 AM

Saturday, February 06, 2010

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

10:35 PM

Alibi

30 seconds to mars

No warning sign, No Alibi

Were fading faster than the speed of light.

Took our chance, crashed and burned.

No, we'll never ever learn.

I fell apart, but I got back up again,

And then I fell apart, but got back up again,

Yeah.

We both could see crystal clear,

That the inevitable end was near.

Made our choice, trial by fire,

To battle is the only way we feel alive.

I fell apart, but got back up again,

And then I fell apart, but got back up again,

And then I fell apart, but got back up again.

Way-o

So here we are, witching hour,

The quickest turn to divide and devour.

Divide and devour.

If I could end the quest for fire,

For truth, for love, for my desire

My desire

And I fell apart, but got back up again.

Way-o

I fell apart, I fell apart, I fell apart,

I fell apart. I fell apart,

But got back up again.

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

3:03 PM

Friday, February 05, 2010

What does it mean to dance?

Just one lesson with someone barely a year older than us, and so much knowledge and passion were imparted to us. So what does it mean to dance, to let go of yourself and move with the rhythm of whatever track is playing, to push the limits of your body pass its perceived physical boundaries so as to create something aesthetically pleasing. Each step a challenge to express yourself, to make yourself unique in the midst of so many other people.

It's the ideas that make or break you in bboying.

And it's the passion and the need that continue to push you to dance.

Not a want but a need.

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

11:38 PM

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Cong is awesomezzzzxzxzxzx

You took the fall;
And thought of me;
Above all

11:05 PM