OHMAN this person looks so JAPANESE ANIME-ISH.
so cute~
and his guitar is quite good too~ power power
blah, due to the erm humongous amount of work i have to study and HAD to print my brain is no longer comprehensive.
i shall post some of his videos here
and i wish i was half as pretty as him, he's a GUY for goodness sake and he looks so feminine T.T, when i 1st saw him playing i was like girl or guy HAHA
but ohwells! still cute in a strange kind of way. 但謝和鉉比較可愛~
大好き～　muahaha cannot blame me, i only know how to ask if you like sth!
Ah Chord は好きですか。
oh im getting distracted. shall post video~!

Cover to 覚醒 ヒロイズム- An Cafe (it's called kakusei heroizumu)


Cover to 夠愛 - 謝和鉉 love love~

我還要去臺灣看謝和鉉~

arh must focus on eoys..

i have the most amazing progress report ever.
on the last page, i have a total of.. 6 red marks (below 50%) and one ABSENT.
lets take a look at my math scores..

QZ Absent

QZ 4.0 / 10

QZ 0.0 / 10

how good was that. woohoo. the 1st quiz i was absent, the 2nd quiz i failed by 1 mark, the last quiz was the MOST AMAZING of all. how can anyone get 0 for a quiz? how could i have gotten 0 for that quiz T.T
somehow i know the answer. LOL i don't understand trigo at all. therefore, i am going to invite my dearest math teacher, MRCHIANG who ran off to NS, to tutor me for trigo. if not i will die for eoy, esp there are like geper teachers setting the paper.
i have already planned out my study timetable, as it says on my timetable, i am supposed to finish studying blood today. so i am going to look thru my biology notes..

i think diana sim writes comments that will make my parents happy:
Pinky Lee has a positive attitude in her studies. Her essays reflected her meticulous (what on earth does this mean?) attention to details and her desire to write well. She has shown the ability to develop her ideas and to organise these coherently in her written work.
there. i bet my mom would like that a lot.

and mr nah's comments owned everyone's:
very helpful girl.
and here i was worrying what he would put in my progress report. blihblah
and i dont remember being responsive in class during chemistry.
=D i think jomain siwei and me really look responsive. haha thus our strange 4 marks for responsiveness during chemistry. =D

Come~ let us all proclaim the greatness of the Lord as he is an awesome God who deserves every ounce of respect we can all give to him. In the midst of this studious period, lets still raise our hands, open our hearts to give him the praise and glorification he deserves. Lets put our trust in him so that we may be able to have peace in our hearts. Lets leave our life to him while we study for Him as he has put us in this school not for nothing. He has also given us our experiences not for nothing.

"Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom pow'r and love
Our God is an awesome God"

When feeling forsaken turn to the Lord as he will never forsake you.
When feeling unloved turn to the Lord as he will always love you.
When feeling down and problematic turn to the Lord as he will always have a listening ear for you.
When feeling in need turn to the Lord as he would listen to your prayers anytime, anywhere.

Praise him.
Let the Lord be my everything,
Let me live out my life for him,
Let me grow in the Lord.

Our God is an awesome God.

i really thank God for those friends who i can really speak to and not feel restricted because i'd be scared that i'd say something wrong or say something out of line. i really thank God for them. sometimes i wonder why they even bother talking to me. I'm a looser anyway, so why bother talking to a freak like that?

at other times, i feel frustrated that i'm the only one in a situation and there's no one to talk to. no matter how hard i plead for someone to come, for someone to come and talk to me so that i can emerge from that mood of mine, there would be no one. everyone would still be around and talking about their own things. i think i'm too sensitive most of the times, but sometimes, i really feel that i am not the only one who thinks that way.

you know, i think the phrase practise makes perfect really applies. it's becoming easier and easier to do whatever i used to do without spoiling that strange warped imagine that has been implanted into the brains of others. *shrugs* sometimes i wonder if there is anything real to hold on to in this barren world, at other times, i stop and ponder on why am i studying so hard. i don't know why. people say that studying is for you to get a good job in the future, but what equates to a good job? a job that earns a lot of money? a job that is controlled by the amount that you earn per minute? a job that you're passionate about?
what is passion anyway?

i wish i did know the answers to most of the things that i don't.
somehow, i'm starting to lose the motivation to study and it's not coming back. what is passion anyway?

This is a response to what siewying blogged about.
i took the same personality test as her and i feel that it is quite not accurate.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
this are the results:

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
Shadow King's response: i am myself with most people. and i don't feel as if i am hiding myself. so this result is virtually out unless i don't completely rule out the fact that i don't know my true self at all..

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Shadow King's response: I AM OPEN MINDED ABOUT WHO I SPEND TIME WITH!! i spend time with all sorts of people! and tell me who might be hiding their charm under their exterior because personally i can't think of anyone.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
Shadow King's response: uh. isn't that like true about everyone?

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Shadow King's response: THIS IS SO NOT TRUE. i DO NOT flirt... and hello, tell me which opposite sex finds me attractive because i cannot think of anyone, because i am NOT attractive AT ALL. and hello. i DO NOT always have admirers hanging off my arms, don't even have one to put on my necklace!
but then again, the last statement might be true 'coz i might be thinking of not getting into any relationship?

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
Shadow King's response: damn straight. i hate to study but i can teach people and i rawk in practical. HAHA jkjk, ego-ing a bit..
okay, so i should look forward to my future job as the soul reaper.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
Shadow King's response: mmhmm, i agree here.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
Shadow King's response: yeah career is not everything but i think i would feel more satisfied if i do something meaningful for my job.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Shadow King's response: For those who really know, what can i say?

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Shadow King's response: hmm, i never thought about myself like that.. what do you think.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test94.aspx

Your Handwriting
You can be a secretive person. You like changes and are always wanting to try something new. You also like to think seriously and are cautious when it comes to making decisions. This can make you look more mature than your friends.
Shadow King's response: i am secretive? oh wow. maybe i am maybe i'm not.. and i am more mature than my friends? this is something i must laugh loudly at, how can i be more mature than people like soggae and siewying! i am the idiotic person in that circle of people who normally does before thinking. (=

What am i thinking of?
You are incredibly sentimental and live your life for love. This can get you into financial trouble at times, as you don't always fall for the right kind of partner.

CAT
You are neat, clean and tidy. You don't like to be pushed around and you won't do something just because you're expected to. You don't live by the rules--you prefer to make up your own instead. If you are interested in an issue, you will find out more about it because you want to, not because you have been told to.

Baggy Jean
Wearing baggy or oversized jeans is a sign of people who are somewhat insecure, lack self confidence, and feel inferior to others. Others wear them to conceal their temperament or for simple reasons such as hiding their less than perfect figure.

Mixed flavors
You are a negotiator. You'll do anything you can to avoid open conflict so you never start quarrels. You will give in when you think it's appropriate but you can be doggedly persistent when you know that justice is on your side.

Cutlery picture
Cartoons or flowers on your tableware show that you are a dedicated family person. You like your family to be in a warm and loving atmosphere. You are loyal to the person you love.

Looking at elephants
If you like looking at elephants, you are intelligent and have a good memory. You can remember you childhood distinctly and never forget about old friends. You have courage and determination.

Naming a pet after a real person's name
Choosing a human name for your pet means that you don't look down at others and treat everyone equally. You like animals and treat them as your best friends. You love your family and home is the warmest place for you to be.

Me?
1.
You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
2.
You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3.
You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
4.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
5.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.
Shadow King's response: naturally this manages to contradict everything that i've just took. HURRAH. this is so stupid.

Love Style
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Kind and Gentle (my foot.)
Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

You value your friendships: 80%
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

Jealousy Level: 30%
You harbor no feelings of jealousy
You are calm and often think differently compared to other people. You don't get jealous because you believe that other people's business is theirs alone. So what if they're beautiful and score all the guys? That's their luck! Some people may think of you as being a bit of a loner.

What?
You are very direct, which might freak them out. Something along the lines of "Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?" might slip from your lips.

The Artist
You love freedom and want to follow your heart's desires. You might not be at your best when dealing with other people. Once you are given the opportunity to work your chosen way, your gift will shine. A tip for you is not to concentrate too much on your own work, but widen your focus and consider the opinions of other people.

while i was brushing my teeth a few minutes ago and thinking about what the dentist had said to me, i suddenly remembered a really strange dream that happened quite a long while ago. i think i dreamt that i was sitting in front of this laptop feeling my tooth and gums. while feeling my gums, i felt one that had retreated very far from the tooth, so i pushed at it, hoping it would come back up. but when i removed my tongue from that piece of retreating gum and ran it over my teeth, i felt all my teeth rough and dirty. some of the teeth were even chipped and broken! crap la. then i went to the mirror to look at my teeth and they were a dirty brownish pink.

im worried that it would come true.

the dentist told me i have another decay tooth and my 2 front teeth has one side that's chipped, so i have to go back to the dentist next month to get that cavity filled and my chipped tooth repaired with something or other.

sucks. but im still worried.

i should just pack my bags and leave. and no one would care.

MAYBE I SHOULD.
sucks.

today i saw an old aunty rummaging the rubbish bins for used and empty drink cans. Believe me, this is not really a strange sight as you see different old women in the same area (don't ask me why but it's always WOMEN that do that kinda stuff) looking into that foul device, namely the dustbin, carrying some prongs just to try to make a living for themselves. that was what i THOUGHT. I always thought that since they were old and had no employment and i suspected that their children don't wanna take care of them anymore, so they have to be reduced to this kind of "job", (if you can even call it one) to earn the money so that they can eat and at least have a place to stay in. WELL. this women here was carrying a cigarette. HELLO.
like what.
i thought cigarettes were actually expensive. hello.


i hate my sister's mother. she can go away for all i care. the faster she divorces the HAPPIER I'D BE.

today nothing big happened. or rather, nothing big happened over this period of time. i've been trying to study chinese but to no avail. because my chinese standard is so low so i can't really remember or understand the chinese poems properly. so thus, i am hoping that there would be some miracle would happen tonight as i am still trying to memorise the 3 textbook poems; and i would actually remember and memorise the poems by tonight. lets change that, lets just believe that i can memorise all 3. because i am the SHADOW KING. in short a damn genius. who fails every test, but who cares, i can be the next Albert Einstein. because im so smart that's why i can't seem to take the tests! well, i seem to do okay teaching people but ohwells.

i learned how to play the river by good charlotte today. and i think the bassist in good charlotte might have used a pick because the tempo was at 160.. HAHA couldnt really mute the strings properly at the verse part.. bleachxx lousy bassist here..
i should see the colored strings one day..!

I GOT A NEW INFATUATION with this song. it's by red jumpsuit apparatus they are like so nice. haha i love love this song. i stumbled on it by accident, and i think it sounds so much better as compared to my guardian angel.. and it's like BETTER than face down. lookie at the lyrics..

[disconnected]
red jumpsuit apparatus

You know that you are
the center of my attention
and you leave me no choice.
Tripping on to the floor
looking at my reflection
as I follow the chord to your voice
as it rings on through
your voice clearly receptive
like the day we met I knew.

Don't hang up on me, cause
I'm hung up on you
don't tell me how to feel
like you always do
I know you're right
I don't want to fight
is this how our story ends
or a new chapter begins?

As the days roll by
cant help myself
just sit and wonder why
was it something I said
something I did my girl?

Your wilted roses make me cry
a sentimental sign of rejection
as I follow the chord to your voice.
As it rings on through
your voice clearly receptive
like the day we met I knew.

Don't hang up on me
cause I'm hung up on you
don't tell me how to feel
like you always do
I know you're right
I don't want to fight
is this how our story ends
or a new chapter begins??
Begins..

Don't hang up on me
cause I'm hung up on you
don't tell me how to feel
like you always do
I know you're right
I don't want to fight
is this how our story ends
or a new chapter begins?

O_o i was thinking that i should blog about something happy.
today, i spent the whole day trying to memorize 愛蓮說. it is actually quite okay, but then when i returned to 馬說, i realised that i completely forgot about this 宋詞. heavens ohwells.

GHOST RIDER is so nice. although i didn't really get the whole plot and stuff. haha but the way nicholas cage turns into that skeleton thingy was super kewl. it's like WOAH, fire man. then flames everywhere!

RUSH HOUR 3 is probably the most retarded show i have watched (with the exception of MEN IN WHITE). i was like sweatdrop the whole movie. AND i like that black guy! ohman he's so so so so funny, but he's so perverted. jackie chan is just old..
i loved the part where he said sth to the asian speaking french. haha ohman that was like priceless. AND i simply adored the the end of the movie there! you know the part where they showed the cut away scenes, jackie chan kept saying seafood instead of secret society haha ohman funniness. well he CAN say secret society but when strung together in a sentence HAHA you should see the result.. blahblahblahblahSEAFOOD...
and his english is baaaad.
it's worse than mine.
and that's bad/
OHWELLS. still i recommend people to go and watch! IT'S HILARIOUS!

happy national day!

why dont people just accept the fact that the tests and exams given in school are just not suitable for some people who cannot stuff everything into their brains?

if someone thinks that a person is getting bad marks because they're not studying hard enough, think again. who says that if you get bad marks it means that you are not studying hard enough. what if you studied bloody hard and yet still realise that you cannot do the test paper because you really dont have the capabilities for it. for example why dont they say the same for the super not sporty people. they didn't want to be non-sporty! well if practise makes perfect and nothing is definite then tell me why no matter how hard some people try they just can't throw a javelin, or play hockey properly, while some other people just learn all that in a flash. is it because they are talented? in this type of case, we must acknowledge that different people have different capabilities. not everyone can achieve things that some people can. don't everyone want to achieve good results? don't most people study so hard and try their best to cram everything into their brains just for that one test? but still not everyone can achieve good marks.

talking about psle, why do some people do so badly during psle and yet still make it into the top jc? and why do some other people do so well at psle and yet when it comes to o or a lvls, they would do very badly. thus, i feel it is wrong for anyone to expect a child to be judged at that young age when their brains didn't really understand the importance of studying. and not everyone can find their perfect method of studying at that age because during psle, everything is just simple. i don't remember studying for psle. at least not as hard as im doing now.

desperado. maybe i'll pay lee shan2 a visit and ask her to help to find my study technique one day. i realised that my marks are getting from back to worse. recalling what a certain someone said to me the other day, i now feel that quite a lot of people are experiencing parts of this life. i'm looking forward to senior black sparing, i would break my nose unless i master my back hook properly. eminem songs are nice.
and the older i get the more i feel that friendship can never last. so what if we were very close, once we leave school, or leave each other we'll eventually drift.
and the friendship will also disappear.
terrible.

i believe i am talented. i am talented.
(i would like to believe this thought)

i was watching gundam seed destiny the other day and feeling quite upset for the lack of cagalli love BOOHOO.
where is my dearest cagalli..~

these few days have been rather blend. nothing really large happened.
we got back our bio paper on tuesday, and frankly, i was quite disappointed with my marks.. i tried aiming to pass and i missed by a few marks.. so it means that if i aim for 45 i'll get a few marks less.. so i should aim for 45! =D and i should start studying now.. looking at the cell parts now.. HAHA
actually my chem was quite bad too 63% i barely passed, but i was quite okay with it except for the fact that my whole family would be super dejected after looking at my this term's report book. because i think there's like nothing that would pass 70% because i have like utterly no confidence for my chinese and english. and woohoo up to date there are already 2 failing subjects.
i must practise more math too.
=really wants to score well for eoys=

today was cross country. nothing much happened. out of all the runners in our class only huiqing got into the top 20! haha nvm she got 7th XD
according to hamster 7 is her favourite number. i prefer 4 though. =D
during the cross country thingy, i walked the whole way and sprinted at the end for fun because i was competing with eeeeeeeeening. haha hamster didn't run because of her sprained toe. xinyu and yanghan walked together with us also.
yanghan very funny! there was this junction where she said that she wanna jog already. after 2 seconds of jogging (or so it seems) she stopped and waited for us then when i asked her why she stop, she say i changed my mind! hahahaha
okay maybe i type out not funny but at that time it really seemed very funny!
ohyes then when we were ending, i started calling my dad to inform him about not going to the st andrews anymore XD
xi'er's sibling was there today though.. ohwells.
eeeeeeeeeeeening is a fun person to walk with when you are walking a super long and boring distance coz she's super easy to talk to XD
lets go out soon! with soggae and siewying and maybe lynn if she can make it XD

i am a super clever person! I WILL GET GOOD GRADES IN THE EOYS.

The final verdict

My ears yearn for words of love,
But your mouth delivered nothing.
My cheeks plea for a gentle caress,
But your hand striked without any regrets.
You then gave the final verdict.

I tried being all that you wanted,
But in my heart I knew the image was marred,
But still I pressed on longing, hoping, waiting,
That your arms would open for me; unabashedly.

I played my heart out to earn your satisfaction,
You brushed it aside; breaking my heart into fragments.
I tried selling my soul to get into your imagination,
The vessel’s heart stopped when you paused for a moment.

Your ice cold eyes bored into mine,
For a moment I thought I saw a flicker-
Of compassion; how could I be so blind?
For they hardened; oh how they glittered.

While the final verdict was being passed;
This façade broke into pieces.

Crying;
For my helplessness,
Longing;
For your pathetic love,
Hoping;
You would accept me.

The final verdict was passed.

i feel:
the way you shout at me; the way you pierce through me with that hate laden eyes; the way you spit out those disgustingly spiteful words to me; the way you criticize me when even i don't want it to be this way; the way you swing your arm back then bringing it back with a sharp snap in contact with my face.. it hurts too much when you feel so hated by your own kind. it hurts like someone took a knife and stabbed it through the deepest and most precious part of your heart. it hurts like i can never feel anything anymore, there is only numbness. it hurts so much that you cry until the tears are dried up and nothing leaks out of that broken facade anymore. It hurts to see those lips that once whispered words of ultimate love, words of generous encouragement, words of endless praise, now spewing hate and sarcasm. Loneliness is a feeling that is not a stranger, but these few days when everything just comes and hit you with one big bang, there's no escaping that feeling, there's nothing else but the feeling of hopelessness. Even with your arms wrapped around yourself, you still would feel the emptiness coming closer. it seems that everyone is disappearing and the world you are in is a great ominous tomb of darkness in which love, care can never be found. nothing. it seems so strange that someone should try to rescue you from this dark place, because it seems like no one would care about this insignificant stranger that enters and exits their lives so swiftly and silently that one is convinced that it was nothing but a mere shadow.
the red gash yearns to be opened again, but the tools are gone, so is the conviction. the blood might seep through once more, but nothing would come out of it. and if i see that red gash open once more, i might just break out and press the tool in deeper to see that thick red liquid pour through the wound as if it would never stop. maybe it never would. and yet the conviction is weak and nothing can be achieved.
suddenly, i feel so alone..

i know i am not and never will be your perfect daughter.