Rita ong's remedial is SUPER tiring. But she's a really nice teacher. HA I shall now christian her one of my favourite teachers. even though she insulted caitong, yuxin, huiqing and me by saying, "your standard is different from the class. The class should be able to do it, but I'm not so sure about you guys."

But since she's so nice, I shall forgive her. XD
LOL
As if she needs my forgiveness

Actually what is eoys for? We mug, memorize facts, memorize ANSWERS, memorize lines from broader perspectives, what do we gain? What will we gain from it, anyway it'll be forgotten later on.

Is having a lifestyle of the rich and famous so impt? That we ultimately sacrifice everything that we have to earn money.
To work and not play.

In this affluent, modern society, how far can we get without screwing up our own morals and mentalities?

PURPLE PREVAILS.

OH LONG LIVE PURPLE!

and of course there's still ORANGE.

I got distracted.


Not bad cover
HAHA. the singer/guitarist's hair's really cool

Pick your birth month
→ Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you
→ Bold the five-ten that best apply to you
→ Copy to your blog
→ Tag 10 people from your friends list

1 - 10: I am.. too lazy to tag XD

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic. Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

WHERE'S NOV?

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Dang. I lost my wallet.
=( and in it was my IC, student ezlink card, membership cards for 3 music/tuition centers.
and ALL my neoprints
BOOHOO

OH LOOK IT'S SMILING AT US

You probably aren't aware that since I was born, I was trying so so so hard to do just want you wanted, what you wished for, what you willed for. You probably think that in your fantastical and wanton delusions that I am trying to go against you and rebel against you. Can't you see? Can't you freaking see that I've changed so much, deviated so much from my own personality because of you? Can't you compliment me with at least, you've worked hard, well done or you've tried your best, I'm proud of you. Am i so terrible that you can't compliment me? That you can't praise me? All I want from you is real recognition for who I am. Not who I must become, but who I am. But after all these years of trying and trying what do I get?
You're so smelly
You're so dirty
You're so disgusting
You're so stupid
Why can't you be more like your sister
I feel so ashamed that you're my daughter
I can't imagine myself relying on you in the future
You're not the type of daughter I want
Why can't you be more like your friends
Why are you like this
Why were you born.

I can't stand it anymore. I really can't. I'm breaking down. Why can't you just SUPPORT me for once. All I want is some love from you. Because of you, I didn't go to Dunman and ended up at this elitist Nanyang. Because of you I hid my own personality for so long that I don't even know who I am anymore. Sometimes I ask myself why are you my mother. I hate these things that you say to me. All I want is you to care and respect my feelings. Why can't you do that. Why? I'm trying so hard, struggling in the path of darkness I've trodden on for so long, yet you belittle my efforts and open the floodgates of insults on me. How long do you think I can take this? How long more do you think I can last?
Why can't I even TALK TO YOU without you shouting at me. Do you know how desperately I'm trying to communicate my feelings to you? Do you even understand the depth of my need?
Why? I thought that by doing that and stepping into the domain of Thanatos, you would care more for me. Instead it backfired. You now treat me like a freak, a bomb that's going to explode anytime. An unreliable kid that you dare not call your own.

How long more can I hold on.
How long more can I go on like this.
How long more will it be before I fully break.

How long more will it be before you understand...

BURN BURN BURN
YAY

BURN MORE BURN MORE

BURN BURN BURN

LETS HAVE A BONFIRE =3

OH YES. if you like Royston Tan and it's NOT YOUR EXAM PERIOD.

十二份爱心, 十二份关怀, 仪演音乐会

Concert Celebrating 12 Measures of Concern and Love

As part of their community outreach activities, G Team Events and Vocal Training School and estage-I International have joined forces to raise funds to benefit the Elderly. A concert, featuring an impressive galaxy of local artistes and singers, hosted by the effervescent Liu Ling Ling and Hao Hao.

1028 is proud to be part of this, and will be contributing a special segment , featuring the cast of 12 Lotus. We promise a programm that is different; we will be going out with a bang, and hope that you can join us in this farewell party of sorts.

The proceeds of this effort will go to organizing 12 Lotus screenings for the elderly at Golden Village Cinemas. We are working with RCs and various grassroots, senior citizen activity groups for this purpose. One of the earliest beneficiaries of this is the Kreta Ayer Senior Citizens Activity corner.

Please support us by purchasing the concert tickets. You will be brightening the day of our beloved old folks.

Date: 11 October 2008, Saturday
Time: 2.30 pm to 5.00 pm
Venue: Kreta Ayer People's Theatre.
Ticket Prices: $18, $28, $48 and $68

I TRIED REALLY HARD.
But to no avail. I sustained from whacking anyone for the first half of the day until about after first recess of so. But the urge to reveal my true nature struck there and then. Before I knew it, WHACK. There goes my hand, unconsciously snaking to the forearm of my table partner. KICK. There goes my leg, subconsciously making contact with hamster's waist. =(
IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO HIDE YOUR HUMAN NATURE.

My dearest tablemate has harbored a hideous looking mutant bug for the past heaven knows how many months. Her box, which is filled with junk, expired food and newspapers and more papers, creates the perfect living environment for this crossbreed. It resembled a maggot x cockroach, and it moves at this wanton speed. Zomg, what a perverted bug. I think there were TWO OF THEM. That bug freaks me out. Now liwen and I are left feeling rather buggish and tingley because of that BUG.

Oh the best news is, it's lose in our class.
Thanks grace.

I bet the last few post sounded quite pathetic. In the sense "love me, love me, because i feel love deprived".
But guess what. So would this one.

I know that I'm weird. Like who hits people that they're comfortable with. Well you're staring at one person here. If I'm not comfortable/don't like you, you won't find yourself getting jabbed/whacked/kicked. So does that mean that I must therefore distance myself from everyone because of that show of affection. Perhaps.

I should just try that from now on. Distancing myself from people and retreating further into myself. No more jabs, no more whacks, no more kicks and no more accidental punching. And after reflection upon it, I think i should apologize to everyone i have whacked/jabbed/kicked/punched/ahwee before.

When i return to school, my personality might just change 180 degrees. Because I am not myself without those abuse and stuff.

the end. the end.

ITE East team



My old best friend wenqiang

She is so cute. Look at her! Need i say more?


Most of the team: yihui, me, wenqiang, karen, ethan, *i didn't ask her her name SORRY*, roanne


THE CUTEST SCHOOL AND PRESENTERS EVER. i LOVE them la.
Shuqun secondary.

They were the only group who thought of different ways to engage their audience, they performed this short skit. And the skinny taller indian guy was SO CUTE. Throughout the entire speech, he was saying, Exactly!
Then zomg so funny.
guy1: Eh, don't bluff me, i not stupid 1
guy2: i not stupid 2 la
guy3: *clueless voice* i not stupid 3.
guy 1: HUH? that one haven't come out yet la!
guy2: YA haven't come out yet
guy3: precisely!
guy3: exactly!
HAHA SO CUTE RIGHT.
oh yeah. they won the best cineodeon team pre-tertiary category award.
well done you guys, i was rooting for you all.


me, royston tan, yihui
I MET ROYSTON TAN. WOOHOO AND TOOK A PICTURE WITH HIM.
who's jealous?


Welven Tan.
This is where all my problems for today started. If he hadn't turned up, everything would be fine. I noticeed him first because of his hair then because of his height. he's one of the shortest there.
1. i apprached him for this picture. look at the spikes man. one day i will be able to spike like that too. whoo
2. i think his friends/everyone realised that i was trying to get pictures of him. well done.

i'm sorry for taking pictures of him.
and kicking you.

Would anyone still like/love me after kicking them twice hard for no reason?

As sok can tell, I'm probably a very ultra sensitive person.
I would not believe that anyone loves me until she tells me that she loves me or appreciate me. I need affirmation that i am a friend. I'm sorry, but this is how i am. I am someone who needs to be affirmed and don't show any reservations with my friends. Thus, the kicking and punching.

Ho.

Christianity.

Szehan(Ham) and I were on the bus talking about random topics when she suddenly popped out with the question, "Hey do you believe in Christianity?"
Feeling fairly skeptical about the question, I replied, "er, I'm a Christian." rather hesitantly.
She turned to me and asserted, "Ya, I know that you're a Christian and all, but do you really believe in God and the Bible?"
Now, understanding what she meant, I opened my mouth to affirm that statement.

Okay now going off on a tangent, I have grown quite a fair bit from the past years. Not alone, but with the help of so many other people. A year ago, if Ham had asked me a question tantamount to that, I would have vacillated between agreeing and disagreeing. Numerous questions have ran through my mind in the past 16 years (yes, I'm a second generation Christian), such as what Ham later on went on to ask.

"If there is a God why then would stillborns be conceived? If there is a God why doesn't he take away all our sin? If there is a God why is the world in such a mess? If there is a God why would there be terrorists? If there is a God why is my family breaking apart? If there is a God why do i not feel him when i genuinely need him? If there is a God why is there discrimination? If there is a God why isn't the world perfect."

I cannot say that I now can apprehend why all of the above is happening. But due to my myriad of experiences, I have come out stronger and more resilient. If not for what I have gone through, I would never be where I am now.
Therefore, as what i said to Ham, "Ah, you ask why God doesn't try to prevent all these 'mistakes', but you forgot about the devil. And how do you even know that these are mistakes?"

We sometimes look at the workings of this world and rationalize to ourselves that some things are still unsatisfactory (in our own judgment). The non-religious would think to themselves, "ah this proves that there is no God, because the religious say that God is perfect. Besides, if God is perfect He would never had allowed such monstrous gaffes." But what we don't consider is the possibility that these might not be unpropitious.

Coming back to the Ham and i, Ham went on to ask, "How about the Bible? Do you think it was written by humans? Because of the ten commandments, it says livestock and cattle. But it doesn't really apply to humans now... so do you think it was by people in the past trying to act smart or something writing a book that they knew would delude people into following it?"

I glanced at her,feeling that the last question was quite ingenious, before wearily (at this point of time i was rather weary already because questions just keep coming one after another - but i persevered on, hoping that she would be less resistant to Christianity after our small little talk.) opening my mouth to reply, "It may have been figurative, because God wrote the commandments for people in those times. Furthermore, God also added anything that belongs to your neighbour. In addition, you do realize that by saying your neighbour doesn't literally mean the person next to you. It probably means everyone around you. So you shouldn't take livestock and cattle literally too, it may be figurative for property. The Bible has a lot of figurative stuff (esp the parables) so you cannot take everything too literally. But i do not pretend that i have read everything carefully or understand the Bible totally..."

Ham then asked another question regarding sin and why are there other religion, and i was forced to recount most of Genesis to her. She found it intriguing, so I guess it was a good sign. Then i told her about the tower of Babel. We discussed a little on man's discernment of good and evil. Then i told her that there were many types of Christian around. Yes, and I encouraged her to read Revelations so that she would know that the Bible is not jut something from the past. She was convinced that we might be approaching apocalypse soon. Somehow or other we got carried away and started talking randomly.

Ham, as if she just recalled something, "Yeah churches are like places for social gatherings now. Somewhere to get a boyfriend or girlfriend, to mix around without God."

Here i had to agree with her. Most of us have drifted so far away from God and only go to church for fellowship, but fellowship without God means nothing.

Spying my bus stop in the near distance, I replied her briefly, "Yeah, I must agree with you on that. Most people are only Christian in name but don't rely on God at all."

Following that, she asked a rather rushed question, "Some Christians feel that they are superior to other religion, do you feel the same way?"

I felt rather hypocritical when i answered her, "I don't think that Christians are superior but we believe that our religion is true and therefore, this believe might be perceived by others as looking down on other religion." Looking at her baffled face, I decided to ramble on for about 20m more (My brain was no longer functioning well, so even I who said it don't really know what point I was trying to make), "Being a Christian is not as easy as the world perceives us to be. It's not some facile solution to the complex human life. Well, there are other religions that are resistant to the Christian faith. For example Muslims. Yeah Muslims..."

Here, I paused to press the bell.

Ham decided to continue for me (and I love her for that, lol if not i'll feel like there's a monologue between me and the passenger seat), "Muslim religion are quite similar to Christianity right!"

The bus stopped and I after bidding her goodbye and promising to continue, I alighted. The walk home was a slow and tedious one.

Chinese lesson calls for this person here to stutter her way through with her more than abominable chinese.

And we're supposed to research on and present on a few topics really soon. WELL DONE. I fear my linguistic ability.
http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/3817052.html?fr=qrl&fr2=query

Ohya. Zihui asked me to read Manathir's blog and i decided for future referencing; http://chedet.com/ =D

I'm feeling happy but tired today!
I think I'm suffering from insomnia. It's so draining to wake up at 4+ every morning just because you can't sleep. It's even worse when you realize that - being so tired - you feel as if you don't have any time to study so you mug till about 12.30am before you sink into another restless night. The cycle repeats itself over and over again.

Haha and i realized that after sitting with grace, my reputation with teachers have been decreasing rather rapidly. BOOHOO
oh woe, goodbye to my impeccable relationship with teachers, with my flawless reputation to teachers.
(At least I don't really get caught. My luck with teachers seem to be going downhill recently.)

3 things today

1.
Being too engrossed in a conversation with a friend is not very good. Especially if your other friend is somewhat behind you and you forget all about your other friend. Paying more attention to your surroundings would do you good instead of getting sucked into a vortex of mika and the likes of him. Yes and it doesn't really help that you remembered about your other friend when you descended down the stairs. Makes you seem like you're dao-ing him.
sorry.

2.
Paper postcard robots are rather pretty in its own right. Perhaps it really reminded me on what technology of the 21st century is. Man-made shiny robots (if you can actually call them that) that sparkle under that bright glaring sun. And we've been so reliant on them all these time that it's deplorable. The irony is that I ,who complains about the dependency on technology, is also using technology to type out this post here. So I guess we shall just remain as hapless beings ready to pit our all knowledge to create better and more efficient bots. After which we would just repeat that cycle all over again.

3.
3 quizzes for the next day.
3 quizzes to make me minced meat.
3 hours before i go to sleep.
3 hours of mugging and false hopes before I turn to You.
3 days till i break down under pressure.
3 days until revival where I trust not in myself but Him.
3 weeks signals the start of the excitable palatable eoys.
3 weeks later i will be ready and confident of my ability to take it.

3 things.
But all three lamentable

It comes again, peering at me. That cumbersome eoys. As I sit here, next to my opened window, typing this out, and hear the woosh of sparklers and exuberant laughter, I cannot help but feel sad at:

1. The rate I'm studying.
the pace is SUPER SLOW

2. The rate Information processing is taking place
my brain like not function

3. My lack of concentration
I get distracted by the weirdest things ever

ARGH. study study

OKAY. I shall blog about my insufferable table mate, grace. It's kinda hard to dislike her but at the same time hard to like her. She's one perverted person who scares the life out of you doing strange stuff. But at the same time, her mind is like one complex maze that gives really good ideas.

But argh. SHE'S SO PERVERTED. If i could, i would scrub her mind clean clean. =)

short post again. lazy to think.

3hours = not enough sleep
mom = no nap
tired = attention deficit
mind = shut down

ah. despite her strange perverse mind
><
i still love grace HAHA
ohman

it's so short because sleep overtakes.

yes, today is 9/11 again. the world mourns for all the lives that were lost during the terrorist attack. my dad and i were talking about it, and he said that we should like beware of this date in the future. terrorists turn to terror to cause shock, panic and impact in our hearts. and since this date already has such a large imprint in peoples hearts, why not use this date, do something and do a little reminder. I bet there'll be some people who think this way.

Good morning Revival people.

Happy birthday dad.

Good Morning Revival.

Yep. I was distracted. From Yihui's blog.

1. My ‘ex’ is still…
?

2. I am listening to…
Et Cetera - One Ok Rock

3. Maybe I should…
Start focusing and studying and stop getting distracted. ARGH

4. I love…
the idea of love

5. My best friend(s)…
are complete opposites of each other

6. I don’t understand…
PHYSICS. CHEMISTRY. MATH. SCHOOLWORK.

7. I’ve lost my respect for…
teachers. What else can i say?

8. I last ate…
steam fish =)

9. The meaning of my display name is…
The pain and anger ricochet and revolve within my head

11. Someday…
I will succeed.

12. I will always…
be a listening ear =)

13. Love seems to be…
a fantasy

14. I never ever want to lose…
my trust in people

15. My mobile phone is…
on the table

16. When I woke up this morning…
I didn't want to go to school

17. I get annoyed at/with…
teachers who makes me feel as if i'm more than stupid

18. Parties…
not many now

19. My pets…
are away

20. Kisses...
never

and this

1 Have you given your first kiss away?
Nope, unless you count giving a bass kisses.

2 Where is the place that you want to go the most?
My uncle's house in aussie, perfect place for a getaway =)

3 If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
To be successful XD haha it sounds as if im some power deprived idiot.

4 Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Maybe

6 Who/What are you afraid to lose the most now?
My ahgong

7 If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Take sufficient amount to pay my uni fees and send the rest off to acres or something

8 If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Depends. If my friend likes him too then why should i confess, it'll only make matters worse.

9 List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Yihui didn't tag me but OHWELLS
SMART
ENTHUSIASTIC
NICE

10 What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Nothing. YET.

11 Which type of person do you hate the most?
Erm people who don't give a damn about what others think, people that are too rigid.

12 What is your ambition?
Journalist. But aiya with all the opposing forces, you think it'll work out?

13 If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Point!

14 What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
My happy times

16 If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
Confidence

17 What do you usually do at home?
Play kristopher, play piano, play c.guit, play computer, mug?

18 Any weird habits or quirks?
I erm bite my nails

19 What would you be doing if you were not taking this quiz?
MUGGING LIKE A CRAZY LUNATIC

20 How do you cheer yourself up?
Sleep.

mmhmm

Your Working style

You have a great deal of warmth, but may not show it until you know a person well. You keep your warm side inside, like a fur-lined coat. You are very faithful to duties and obligations related to ideas or people you care about. You take a very personal approach to life, judging everything by your inner ideals and personal values.

You stick to your ideals with passionate conviction. Although your inner loyalties and ideals govern your lives, you find these hard to talk about. Your deepest feelings are seldom expressed; your inner tenderness is masked by a quiet reserve.

In everyday matters you are tolerant, open-minded, understanding, flexible, and adaptable. But if your inner loyalties are threatened, you will not give an inch. Except for your work's sake, you have little wish to impress or dominate. The people you prize the most are those who take the time to understand your values and the goals you are working toward.

Your main interest lies in seeing the possibilities beyond what is present, obvious, or known. You are twice as good when working at a job that you believe in, since your feeling adds energy to your efforts. You see the needs of the moment and try to meet them. You want your work to contribute to something that matters to you--human understanding, happiness, or health. You want to have a purpose beyond your paycheck, no matter how big the check. You are perfectionists whenever you care deeply about something.

You are curious about new ideas and tend to have insight and long-range vision. You are interested in books and language and are likely to have a gift of expression; with talent you may be excellent writers. You can be ingenious and persuasive on the subject of your enthusiasms, which are quiet but deep-rooted. You are often attracted to counseling, teaching, literature, art, science, or psychology.

The problem for you is that you may feel such a contrast between your inner ideals and your actual accomplishments that you may burden yourself with a sense of inadequacy. This can happen even when, objectively, you are being as effective as others. It is important for you to find practical ways to express your ideals; otherwise you will keep dreaming of the impossible and accomplish very little. If you find no actions to express your ideal, you can become overly sensitive and vulnerable, with dwindling confidence in life and in yourself.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx

Sometimes, I wonder in self-defeat was it a mistake when you conceived me. Was it a moment of folly that you decided that you should go along with your non-existent plan of bearing a child? Are you regretting it now? Does your heart ache when my results or how i look is not good enough to satisfy your craving for a perfect child? Do you shed tears for me? Does your heart beat for me, does your heart beat in the same rhythm as mine? Will your blood pour for me if i needed it? Just how much love would you have given me if i asked you to love me?

Sometimes my heart lurches at the thought that i might not be in this world, but at other times, I feel it might be better if i was not here. Because if i weren't here, you'll have a happy 3-membered family. And you won't have to put up with the bane of your life. I'm sorry okay. For being such an ass, but every time I try to apologize, you brush it away so flippantly, then more scoldings would spew out of your mouth. To scold me on my faults and non-existent faults must be trilling, I guess.

You know, it's exactly how I've put it in the last few years. It hurts okay. It hurts to feel as if I was unwanted, and no matter how hard I strive I'll never be the kid you've always wanted. And sometimes, it hurts so much that the pain becomes physical. You've seen the result of that not long ago. Do you want me to be kind and repeat that all over again? Perhaps I've found another type of physical pain that leaves no scars. And yet, I wonder why i still struggle with myself in this small confined room here, to make pain visible or not, that is the question.

There is bliss in silence. So for now, how do you do?

=) エトセトラ, Et Cetera - One Ok Rock

my new love
one ok rock!

they make a mean live band. yume yume is really good KARASU TOO.

HAHA.

yes anw i realised i forgot to wish peilih a happy birthday and nah a happy teacher's day. well done.

Fine. Go on and dao me again and again because you know I wont dao you. I’m tired of it you know. Ha. This has always been the case right. But you know what, I don’t think you know who you are. Nor do you care, because to you I’ll always been another insignificant being. Another trivial being by your side that you can ignore anytime you like.
Thank I really appreciate that.
I’m tired already but I’ll probably hold on a few more months. Because after the few months, we won’t be friends anymore right?

The best thing is I don’t even know if you’ll read this.

Amidst all these school work and studying, I remembered someone.

GLENN LIM.

Who remembers him? I'm not sure if xx and the rest still remember talking to him personally but truely, i admire him. He's one of the most inspiring people i've ever known in my life. Look, not even son taejin can hold a candle to him.

It was by a stroke of luck that i picked up wake up call and read it again. haha and now, i'm in awe of God's greatness again. It makes me realize how small and insignificant i am and how great God can be. How supportive God can be. Even if the world forsakes you, he'll still be there.

maybe it's just me, but i feel that Glenn Lim was really made by God to do what he's doing now. Looking through his tagboard and his blog www.glennlim.net, i realized that he's really doing A LOT to change the lives of other people. It makes me want to talk to him again, but everytime i open a write new mail page, my fingers falter and refuse to move, and i don't know what to write. yeah.

and it's so cool how he can juggle his exams with all the things he have to do. i really admire that strength and how he trust God so much to just hold him up and support him. Something that i really struggle to do.

My heart's sinking and the gap between me and the Lord is ever widdening. Even if he has not forsaken me, i have forsaken him.

and now, im not sure of anything.

i hope i can be like glenn lim. haiz

(end of post before tkd)
(start of post after tkd)

yay. i spent the lesson learning my lovely white belters and yellow tape name

white belters
azlin 8!
ashvjic (dunno how to spell la)
alex 7!
cheryl 10! (i think she got potential)
keith 10!
klyde 6! (this one the name is SO DIFFICULT to remember)
inigscious? (HOW TO SPELL THIS. ZOMG!)
sarah 6!

yellow-tapers
calvin (old old)
i cannot remember her name, she's probably 15, i shall ask on sun
owen
david
JC (HAHA ja-ce! coz he's called jee cheong and i cannot rmb so JC sounds cooler also)

Yes. ahwee. if you realised it's black. and it's black because i don't want to give anyone nightmares with my scary scary face. but i guess whatever's there is already enough to give people nightmares, check out that freaky smile and that scary white glasses. NAH UH not so nice.

BUT HA. that's un-styled super short blown-dry scary hair for you.

CHECK OUT THE SCARY SMILE.
no la, you're supposed to look at the hair shape

It's useless.